The Dilemma of Human Investment
by kasey8473
Summary: Disgusted with Dean's inability to pay attention, Castiel takes an unorthodox action that has unforeseen consequences for him and Dean both.  Sam then overhears a conversation between Castiel and Dean and gets the wrong idea about what transpired.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Dilemma of Human Investment  
Chapter: One  
Summary: Disgusted with Dean's inability to pay attention, Castiel takes an unorthodox action that has unforeseen consequences for him and Dean both. Sam then overhears a conversation between Castiel and Dean and gets the wrong idea about what transpired.  
Rating: M - because I don't feel comfy with it at a 'T'.  
Disclaimer: 'Supernatural' was created by Eric Kripke. No disrespect is intended.  
Notes: This started out as a comedy and morphed halfway into something entirely different.

* * *

"Dean."

Dean wasn't listening. Castiel tried again, this time with more insistence.

"_Dean_."

Suppressing a sigh, he turned his own attention to where Dean's had strayed. Predictably, it was a woman who'd caught his attention. She was physically pretty, he supposed, with dark hair and an exotic air about her.

Since leaving Lisa, Dean had been throwing himself at any willing female of consenting age. It was a willful return to how he'd once been, as though behaving in such a manner negated the emotional changes inside him. He wanted to forget all desire he had for what he'd called the 'normal' life.

Sam looked up from the pages he was studying. "She's not your type," he pronounced in an amused tone.

"Are you kidding, Sam? Of course she's my type. I could get into the whole naughty librarian thing."

"Naughty librarian," Castiel asked, brows raising.

"Yeah." Dean's voice was wistful. "Innocent and prim looking on the outside, yet with a hint of red hot babe. See, you can tell by looking at her."

He frowned, returning his attention to her. "How?"

"You see how her blouse is unbuttoned right to her cleavage? The really prim miss would have that thing closed to the neck. And her skirt? Mid-thigh isn't innocent. I bet she saunters when she walks, really works those hips, taking deliberately slow strides in those three inch heels she's got on."

"He's been watching too much porn again," Sam explained. "Which one was it this time, Dean? 'Hot, Sexy Librarian Babes Ten' or 'Schoolteachers Get Wild'? I noticed both were on yesterday."

He shook a finger at them. "You laugh, but watch when she leaves. Blouse, skirt, heels, walk. She may tell herself she dresses for herself, but deep down, she knows that every guy in this place is watching her," he jerked a thumb at Castiel, "even Cas. Even the gay guys, because they're thinking, that girl knows how to dress."

She gathered her belongings, which appeared to be mostly stacks of paper, and left her table. Dean was right, Cas saw. She sauntered slowly past them, her heels clacking on the floor. Dean turned to ogle her from behind.

Castiel tilted his head back as she passed, doing a tour of her mind, and then a blithe tour of Dean's that would freak Dean out fairly completely if he'd known. What he found in Dean's mind made him smile a little in sudden understanding. "You know her?"

Dean let out a sigh and shook his head. "Not in this life."

Her name was Risa Hope and Dean, until now, had thought Zachariah had made her up. That was interesting to Castiel, as the lovely Risa was an angelic vessel who'd never been filled. He wondered why and flicked his gaze back to the door. She paused at it, glancing behind her with the hint of a knowing smile. She'd known they were looking at her and didn't mind in the least. She was used to that sort of attention. The door closed behind her. Castiel could see her through the glass, getting into a car in the lot. Of course Zachariah would have had access to the names and locations of unfilled vessels. It made sense that he'd show Dean one that Dean would be attracted to.

He blinked.

Dean was attracted to Risa.

Perhaps Dean needed an object lesson on appearances.

A vague plan forming to teach Dean that lesson, Castiel followed her.

* * *

Even now, Dean couldn't believe how wrong he'd been about Lisa.

He should have realized something was up with her. What sane woman lets a guy she barely knows into her house to live with her and her kid like that? She'd taken him into her house, her life, her bed immediately, and all without anything save a hug and some murmured gentle words on how she'd take care of him.

Prophetic words if ever he'd heard any. _Take care of him._ Those four words now gave him the willies.

It should have been obvious something wasn't quite right from the moment she'd admitted she thought no man compared to him.

While nice to hear, her dreamy, adoring tone at the time had set off warning bells in his head. Careful questioning as the days had slid into weeks had revealed that she wasn't just slightly nuts, she was 'number one fan, Misery' type nuts, but in a weird way.

She'd ask him to throw a ball around with Ben, but when he tried to give Ben pointers, she exploded, telling him he wasn't Ben's coach and had no business saying anything. She'd asked him to help with homework while she made dinner, yet when he corrected something he knew was wrong, she'd again exploded. There'd been little things like that peppering day-to-day activities, things he hadn't paid much attention to at first. She had this thing about being a mom and being the only authority in Ben's life and he didn't really argue with it. She was Ben's mom, after all. She'd raised him by herself, so of course she was used to being the only one in charge.

It seemed normal. Nice and normal.

His grief for Sam had hit him harder than hard and it hadn't occurred to him something was wrong with the life he was living with Lisa for an embarrassingly long awhile.

At first, her mothering had seemed a normal thing, a natural way to comfort him. She'd let him watch tv with his head in her lap, her fingers touching his forehead, temples and hair in soft, soothing sweeps. She'd rub his shoulders and back and insist he let her 'take care of him'. She made pies on the weekends, carefully doling out portions so one pie lasted the whole week - which he thought was insane to begin with. Who could resist a fresh apple pie? Or cherry, peach, mixed berry…. Especially with ice cream? He could eat an entire one by himself. He was a grown man and she insisted he follow her rule about desserts and sweets: a single portion a day only.

Yet she served frozen pizza regularly and various other foods he knew very well weren't really good for a person. He'd easily gotten around her rule, until she'd found a half-eaten candy bar in his jacket pocket. What she'd been doing going through his pockets was one issue. She'd busted him on the other, insisting he was setting a bad example for Ben. By that point, he hadn't bothered pointing out she wasn't letting him be any example at all anyway, so what did it matter?

He'd come to realize that she liked mothering a little _too_ much. She was possessive in it, possessive of Ben and, at the same time, possessive of _him_. She'd told him over and over that he'd been the best night of her life, but then she'd dropped the bomb: she told him she'd waited for him to come back to her because they were fated to be together. She'd known that eventually, he'd be back to stay.

Now, Dean knew a little bit about fate and free will, and since he'd beaten the angels at what they considered fate, he knew damn well he had a choice in the matter.

What kind of woman sits back and waits for a man she had a wild night with to find her again? And again. And…again. Not only waits, but doesn't even date? For a whole decade? Ben had told him that, telling him that, "Mom's never had a boyfriend. She only goes out to work and school things. Sometimes things with her friends."

Never had a boyfriend. What kind of woman obsesses on a guy like she'd apparently done with him?

That thought had occupied him pretty much 24-7 after that little revelation. Dean didn't mind the wild, freaky women, but this? Had she always been like that? He'd thought she was normal. She'd certainly seemed normal until he'd started living with her.

He didn't mind how she paraded him around to her friends, yet heaven help the woman he smiled at. Or the one he was nice to. Or the one he even talked to. He'd heard her accuse one woman of trying to steal him from her.

Sure, she'd apologized to him when he'd talked to her about it, done the old 'I'm just so glad you're here and you stayed' bit, claiming that she couldn't bear the thought of him leaving again. Maybe she _was_ a little bit insecure, she'd admitted.

Talk about emotional blackmail.

Lisa, it turned out, was a master at it and at manipulation, which floored him because…well, she'd seemed so normal.

How could he have been so wrong about her? Usually, he was right on the money with women. Okay, occasionally, he'd read a woman wrong, but Lisa? She just hadn't seemed the nutso type. She'd seemed…normal. He kept going back to that word, but it was true. It's what he'd thought she was.

She hadn't taken kindly to Sam showing up, either. Never mind his own issues with that, her reaction had convinced Dean it was time to leave Dodge - even more than Sam's insistence he go. While he'd hated to leave Ben there, what could he do? Lisa was his mom, not some shape shifter or demon - he'd checked for those and for any other creature he could think of.

He and Sam had driven off with her throwing things at the car with a surprisingly good aim. They'd parked awhile later and sat staring at the windshield.

Sam had cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Dude…I'm sorry. I really thought she was normal."

"You and me both," he'd replied and for some reason they'd both started laughing, sitting there side by side in the Impala, laughing until they cried and had had one of those reunions that belonged on Oprah.

Dean looked at Sam now, then at where Castiel had been a few seconds earlier. Try as he might, he had yet to be able to actually teach Cas to say 'goodbye' before he left.

* * *

"Don't be afraid," Castiel said, though this wasn't the first time Risa had seen an angel. He gleaned the details of that meeting within seconds of appearing, his disgust for Zachariah growing.

It had been Zachariah who'd come to see Risa. He'd wanted to recruit her to his cause, use her to get at Dean. He'd wanted her to seduce Dean Winchester and lie to him - tell him she'd been the vessel of an archangel when all she really was was a regular grade vessel. He'd given her a name, tried to tell her there were more than four archangels. He'd lied to her.

Zachariah had told her to convince Dean he wouldn't be left a drooling mess. She was to get in close, make a connection with him and make herself important to him, following Zachariah's every instruction.

Despite her fear of him, Risa had refused, citing scriptures that said lying was wrong. She knew her Bible well. Proverbs 6:16-19 had particularly incensed Zachariah and he'd hurt her and healed her over and over in an attempt to change her mind, using torture when he couldn't coerce the action he wanted from her. Risa had a strong will. She'd held firm, the only thing saving her being the joyous cry of another angel that said Dean Winchester had been found in Kansas City, Missouri. Otherwise, Castiel was sure Zachariah would have killed her for her refusal.

He'd removed the memory of what he'd done to her, but left her with the knowledge that she'd met an angel and it was both awesome and terrifying. Then, he'd taken her image and used it in an attempt to sway Dean to accept Michael.

"You're an angel," she asked, staring at him with fearful eyes.

"I'm Castiel. I've not come to harm you, Risa."

"What do you want with me?"

He studied her, trying to gauge what her reaction might be to his request before he said it. "You're special, Risa. You're one of few in this world whose bloodline enables them to be vessels for angels, conduits to allow us to communicate with humanity."

"I know. The other angel…he told me."

"I've come to ask you to be my temporary vessel. It would be a week only, perhaps two."

"You have a vessel," she pointed out. "Why do you need another?" She ducked her head. "I shouldn't question -"

"Of course you should," he said a little sharper than he'd intended. "You have a choice in it. I won't coerce you. You either agree or you don't. If you don't, I'll leave you alone once more. If you do, I'll take you as a temporary vessel." He wasn't even really sure it'd work. After all, she wasn't related to Jimmy in any way and they'd always been told that each angel had only one bloodline to use as vessels. It had never made sense to him for it to be that way. It made much more sense that any angel could use any vessel available.

"I don't know." She shrugged. It was an honest answer. She was torn. While Zachariah had removed her memories, he'd left a fear of angels in their place. She wanted to be of use, but it scared her.

"I don't require you for anything dangerous, merely for a brief lesson to a man on appearances. You'll be returned here in the same state you leave it. You won't be harmed, Risa. I promise."

She thought for two days, then gave her consent.

He stepped forward, hand raising to touch her face. He transferred himself into her and in seconds, was steadying Jimmy as he staggered.

"Castiel? What's going on?"

"I've made arrangements for you to spend a week or two with Amelia and Claire."

Suspicion flickered in Jimmy's eyes. "Why?"

"You don't want this gift?"

"Not what I said." Jimmy's gaze slipped down her and back up. "You're going to be _her_ for awhile?"

"You say that like it's unfathomable."

His brows rose. "Can you even walk in those shoes?"

Castiel looked down at herself. Risa was wearing the shoes she'd had on in the restaurant, the ones Dean had said were three inch heels. "Why wouldn't I be able to?"

Jimmy laughed and stepped back. "You might want to try it."

In three steps, Castiel found herself on the floor, listening to Jimmy's snickering. Walking in high heels wasn't as easy as she'd thought it would be. "I'm guessing there's some trick to this?"

"Not just to that. There's a trick to fastening bras, too."

Standing back up, Castiel frowned at him, then unbuttoned Risa's blouse and removed it. She touched the lace cups of the bra. "It appears to be a standard undergarment." After a moment of struggling with the clasp behind her, she took it off and held it up, studying it, endeavoring to see what 'trick' there was to it. "I see nothing strange about it."

Jimmy made a strangled noise. "Not exactly what I had in mind, Castiel." He looked away, muttering, "I'm a married man," over and over.

"I should put it back on?"

"It'd be a good idea."

That, she discovered, was where the trick was. "I can't fasten it."

"Turn it around, fasten it in front, and slide it in place."

"Oh." Dressed once more, Castiel looked at Jimmy closely. He was perspiring and flushed. "Are you ill?"

"A beautiful woman took her top off in front of me. I'm not ill. I'm a perfectly normal man with a perfectly normal reaction who'd really like to see his wife now, if that's actually going to happen."

"I made you uncomfortable. I apologize." Castiel took Risa's shoes off, then made sure Jimmy was safely with Amelia and Claire before going back to Risa's house. She took another day in an attempt to become used to Risa's body before heading out to see Dean.

* * *

Luck was on Dean's side. He was glad something was finally working out for him. Risa had turned up in a bar four days after he, Sam, and Cas had seen her in that restaurant. He let his glance drift down her and back up. She was looking as fine as she had that day. Even finer actually. Her skirt was shorter, displaying her legs to terrific advantage, and whatever bra she had on was pushing her breasts up in a way that made him want to sink his face into her cleavage and stay there until he suffocated.

He took a deep breath. Her perfume was a sensual mix of musk, spice, and flowers and all he really wanted was to take her back to his room and see how fast he could make her scream his name in ecstasy. He opened his mouth to ask her if she'd like to leave with him.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yes."

"Excuse me?"

"You were about to ask if I'd like to return to your room with you. The answer is yes, I would."

He studied her a moment. For someone who'd seemed initially clueless to the fact that he'd been hitting on her, she'd sure caught on fast. Had to be an act, he decided as she slipped from the barstool to stand and face him, completely ignoring the rules of personal space to a degree that was excitingly seductive.

"Am I standing too close," she asked, in an innocent tone that caused that ripple of need inside him to deepen, looking up at him with an expectant gaze.

"Not at all. The closer the better, sweetheart, if you catch my meaning." He winked at her.

"I believe I do 'catch your meaning'." She pressed closer with a small, satisfied smile. "I've no further wish for alcohol at present. We can leave when you desire to."

He _did_ desire, taking one last swallow of his beer before motioning towards the door. "Ladies first."

"Thank you."

Risa carried her coat and purse in one arm, hips swaying. She walked slowly and Dean had the odd thought that she didn't look nearly as graceful in those high heels as she had a couple days earlier when she'd left that restaurant. Probably the beers, he decided. She was a little unsteady from the alcohol and those were three inch heels she had on.

Once in the room, she set her coat and purse down on the table, turning to face him. There was an odd look in her eyes, longing mixed with fear and something else he couldn't quite identify. The way she looked at him…. It was almost like she already knew him somehow.

He put the chain on the door and walked over to her.

* * *

Dean was behaving in an entirely predictable manner. Castiel decided it was probably a good thing she'd taken a male vessel initially to interact with Dean. A female one would have distracted him.

Cas let Dean buy her drinks, making sure to let her skirt remain high on her thighs instead of tugging it back in place. Dean remained close, using conversation to put her at ease and making teasing remarks designed to entice her back to his room. Pick-up lines, Sam had called them. Cas drank beer after beer and observed Dean's behavior, trying to imitate the flirtatious manner of the various women she'd seen over the past months.

It was harder than it had looked, though a sidelong amused glance seemed to go far with Dean, encouraging him bend his head to hers so their conversation was a bit more private. She caught a whiff of his aftershave. Had it always smelled so good? His arm brushed hers and she shivered.

"You cold," he asked, arm against hers again, producing the same response.

Castiel thought about it. Was she cold? No. The shiver was a sort of odd reaction to that brush of their bare arms. She licked her lips and shook her head. "Not really."

As the evening went on, Castiel began to realize that Dean's rules were quite different for women. Take the personal space one, for example. When Cas had stood close in Jimmy's body, Dean pitched a fit and gave him a lecture. While in Risa, Dean seemed to wish her to move even closer. It was confusing and contradictory.

Dean's body was warm. It even felt natural to move a bit closer, so she did, her breasts pressing to his chest. The pleased gleam in Dean's eyes deepened and her mouth seemed suddenly quite dry.

It occurred to Castiel that Dean might be upset when she revealed herself, but that thought disappeared as she concentrated on not toppling over while walking. High heels were a trial and she still wasn't walking very well in them despite practicing.

She let Dean take her back to that room he was sharing with Sam, not missing Dean's thumbs-up gesture to Sam or Sam's weary sigh that indicated he thought he was going to have to spend the night in the Impala - again. Castiel wondered if she should reassure Sam that wasn't going to happen. Dean steadied her with a gentle hand on her arm and then he put an arm around her, guiding her to the motel.

Inside the room, Cas set down the coat and purse.

Now is the moment to reveal myself, Castiel thought. She'd proved her point about appearances and with a word, she could open Dean's eyes to that.

She let the moment slip by, however.

It was a choice that even a few months ago she wouldn't have made. Being in Risa's body and looking at Dean was like seeing him for the first time.

Castiel hadn't anticipated that.

She'd recognized previously that he was a beautiful human, yet now that beauty seemed pronounced, so much more than the spiritual beauty of a good man. This beauty was also physical, sensual, his features having a pleasing symmetry, his body also pleasing.

No, more than pleasing. Castiel searched for the right word and could only find one to describe him: desirable. She wanted to stretch out her hands, run her fingertips along his skin, feel the play of muscles beneath that skin, then press her mouth where her fingers had been and taste him with her tongue.

The urge to do that was nearly overpowering. She couldn't control it and wasn't entirely sure she wanted to.

Risa's body was subject to both emotional surges and odd physical responses. Cas couldn't recall ever having some of these troubles in Jimmy's body.

Like her heartbeat quickening while looking at Dean. Or that urge to lean over and sniff Dean because he just smelled so _good_. Or run her hand along his chest, which looked wider than it had before. She wanted to experience more with him and experience those things he'd once taken her (in Jimmy's body) to a brothel to try. She wanted that with him.

The urges were…distracting. Perhaps this was why they mostly used male vessels?

She opened her mouth to speak and had no idea what to say.

* * *

She was watching him in a way that reminded him, of all things, like the way Castiel looked at him. A concentrated stare, like she was trying to figure something out. It was forward and sexy as hell, especially when her head tilted, her hair slipping down half across her eyes and her lips parting.

Dean stepped close and kissed her. He expected her to pull away, but she didn't. Instead, she was still against him, as though he'd managed to surprise her and she didn't know what to do. When he drew back a fraction and opened his eyes, he found her eyes open, still staring, still watching. He brushed her bangs aside with his fingers, traced the contour of her cheekbones, and cupped her jaw with both hands. "Close your eyes."

"But then I can't see you," she breathed in that low throaty voice that had been giving him shivers since he'd first heard it in person. Zachariah's version of her had had a higher voice. In fact, ole Zach's version of Risa seemed to be mostly fabrication, not at all the sort of woman Dean had discovered her to be.

He couldn't decide if she really was inexperienced or just very good at the whole innocent, nervous virgin act. He couldn't wait to learn which it was. "Trust me."

"I do trust you, Dean," she said with a certainty that surprised him. Risa closed her eyes.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers, caressing as lightly as possible before deepening the kiss. Her hesitation was exciting. Far from dampening his ardor, it made him want to pursue her all the more and he pulled her to him. She was tense against him at first, slowly responding.

When he released her, Risa stepped back, one hand touching her mouth before she unbuttoned her blouse. Not one to let a lady be uncomfortable in the bedroom, he removed his own shirt and tossed it aside. He caught her to him again before she'd let the fabric of her blouse fall, holding her so that her wrists were still covered, held at her sides. She made a noise of protest, then relaxed, her kisses becoming bolder.

Dean tugged the blouse the rest of the way from her, exploring her with first a soft touch, then a firmer one. Her hands slid up his sides and around to his back, a shudder working through her. He nibbled a line along her neck, easing his own hands to the fastening of her skirt. He'd just undone the zipper when she pulled back again, holding the skirt in place.

"There's something you should know, Dean."

"What's that?"

"I've never done this before," she told him in a calm tone, letting her skirt drop to the floor and stepping from the puddle of fabric. Her panties, what little there were of them, matched the bra she had on.

"Never?" It didn't seem possible to him. Were all the men she'd ever met stupid? Blind? Both?

"Never," she confirmed.

"I see." Turning, Dean mouthed 'thank you' towards the ceiling before he reached to pull back the covers on the bed. "Well, Risa, you can back out any time. You know that, right?" Covers turned down out of the way, he turned back around.

She nodded, pressed her hands to the lacy cups of her bra. "Do I…remove this? Or do you?"

Dean sat on the side of the bed and reached out his hands, grasping her hips and pulling her close. "I'll do that for you, sweetheart." He pressed a series of lingering kisses upward from her bellybutton. "You just let me do the work."

She placed her hands on his bare shoulders. "Okay."

There was nothing about her to indicate she was a virgin save her frank declaration and overall manner. Dean found it difficult to believe that a knock-out like her hadn't had any action ever, but as physical matters progressed to a wholly satisfying conclusion on his part, he had to admit he could be wrong. Her movements were awkward from beginning to end.

Dean pressed his cheek to Risa's, drawing in a deep breath and relaxing against her. He felt wrung out, with barely the strength to move from her.

Even now, her hands were tentative along his back, almost as though she was afraid to touch him. Strange. He rolled from her, took care of the condom and laid back down beside her, drawing her against him. Dean ran his hand along her back, caressing that silky skin and already imaging what he was going to do with her the next time. She looked at him, hand raising to touch his face. He started to raise his own to capture it and hold it, but sleep was suddenly upon him and Dean lost consciousness.

* * *

While she'd seen Dean in varying states of undress before, seeing him naked while being naked herself sparked more nervous trembling inside of her. She was hot, cold, sweating, shivering and a mass of confusing desires. Dean's mouth and hands trailing across her skin produced more sensations than she knew how to deal with.

I should stop this, Castiel thought as Dean reached for the package on the nightstand and opened one colorfully wrapped square of plastic. He knelt between her spread legs. I should stop this. I know I should.

But what Castiel should do and did do were sometimes very different things.

She took a long, shaking breath.

There was a deep craving in her to finish this and she raised up onto her forearms, then pushed further to sit, bringing her face very close to his. Dean turned his head a fraction, mouth on hers, tongue darting hot and quick against hers. Cas responded, letting Dean slowly lay her back, his body covering hers.

She felt self-conscious, uncertain, hands lightly resting on Dean's sides, against those ribs on which she'd placed protective symbols while in Jimmy Novak's body.

Dean's mouth left hers, the heat in his eyes mesmerizing. Castiel didn't want to look away and didn't, staring right back at him. Dean rested on his left forearm, his right hand sweeping down to her left thigh and urging her to raise it. She did. His head lowered then, cheek pressing to hers, breath hot on her neck. He shifted against her and Cas gasped.

Being joined together this way wasn't what she'd thought it'd be. It was…beautiful.

Strange. She'd never thought of sex as beautiful before. It had never looked particularly such on the screen of the television. She closed her eyes, turning her face into the curve between Dean's neck and shoulder, smelling that pleasant scent of his aftershave. He moved inside of her with long, slow, rhythmic thrusts that seemed to make those confusing physical sensations she was having increase ten-fold.

She slid her hands to his back, uncertain if continuing to touch him was allowed. He didn't protest it. His skin was hot, damp with sweat, his breaths almost panting.

Dean cried out, a sound halfway like an agonized groan, his voice a harsh rasping in her ear, as he shuddered against her and was still.

Castiel had a sense of disappointment when he moved from her and his weight no longer pressed her into the mattress. She'd wanted that intimacy to last and felt…unfulfilled, like maybe she'd somehow missed something in this experience. What could that something be? Was it supposed to be like those movies Dean enjoyed? Or were those movies pure fiction?

Dean gathered her against him, her head on his chest. Castiel raised her hand and touched two fingers to his forehead, rendering him instantly unconscious. She loosed herself and rolled away so that their bodies didn't touch.

What have I done? Cas stared up at the dark ceiling, her thoughts tangled circles, a web of contradictions. Every time Dean stirred, she pushed him back down into sleep. He'd wake well-rested at least.

Even lying naked with him, Castiel couldn't believe she'd allowed it to happen. She'd been intimate with Dean, a thing never considered before stepping into a female body. She'd allowed it, _encouraged_ it even. Was it the body that caused the action? Had to be. She'd never wanted this in Jimmy's body, only while in Risa's, so therefore, it had to be the body.

Over and over, she continued her ruminations, going over the same ground until, at dawn, she dressed and fled the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Dilemma of Human Investment  
Chapter: Two  
Summary: Disgusted with Dean's inability to pay attention, Castiel takes an unorthodox action that has unforeseen consequences. Sam then overhears a conversation between Castiel and Dean and gets the wrong idea about what transpired.  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: 'Supernatural' was created by Eric Kripke. No disrespect is intended.

* * *

Dean woke hours later with the certainty that it wasn't Risa, but Castiel he'd been with. All the little signs led him right to that conclusion and he groaned. That opened up a can of worms. Cas? When he thought of Castiel, his initial mental picture was of, well, Jimmy Novak, not…a very desirable Risa Hope. Was he right? Was she a vessel that Castiel had taken for some reason? Had something happened to Jimmy?

No, he thought if something had happened to Jimmy, Castiel would have told him instead of letting him….

He groaned again, recalling her manner, the way she'd moved and spoken. There'd been red flags all over the place and he'd been so intent on getting laid - and with her - that he'd ignored them all. No woman he knew could drink that many beers and remain fairly sober. Even Ellen, with her tolerance, couldn't have had that much. And that question about standing too close? Definitely Cas. Word choices? Check. But it was the stare that should have clued him in far sooner. That stare…. So curious, so calm, and all Castiel.

Geez, he should have taken one look and called her 'Cas'.

Why hadn't Cas said anything? Why had he…she allowed him to do that?

'I do trust you, Dean,' Cas had said.

Castiel hadn't only allowed it, he…_she'd_ participated and with complete honesty. 'I've never done this before,' was right. Cas hadn't, but Dean would bet Risa had. He'd bet Risa was exactly what he'd initially pegged her as, whereas Castiel was…simply Cas. Lovable, naïve Castiel, with those dark eyes and full lips and a body that could make a grown man cry…. Dean blinked as his body stirred to attention.

"Oh, jiminy Christmas," he mumbled. "I've got a hard-on for Cas."

He turned his head on the pillow, still able to smell the ghost of that perfume she'd been wearing. Risa…Castiel was gone, but a longer look revealed that her coat and purse were still in the room. Maybe that meant she was coming back. He _hoped_ she was coming back. While it was typical behavior for Castiel to leave without a word, Dean was a little worried about what her leaving this time meant for them. Tossing the covers aside, he reached for his phone and dialed Castiel's number, firmly fixing Cas as a girl in his head, at least for the present.

Somehow, he wasn't surprised when Risa's purse rang. He got out of bed and dug it from the outer pocket. Yup. Castiel's phone. She was still here somewhere. He put the phone back in the pocket and sighed, hand pressed to his mouth.

Oh Cas….

Dean didn't bother with a shower, instead dressing as fast as he could and stepping outside, hoping to see Castiel nearby. Knowing Cas as well as he did, where would she go to comfort herself if upset?

He headed for the nearest park, the one down the street from the motel and right across from that restaurant they'd first seen her in.

* * *

Sam sat in a comfortable booth in the family restaurant across from the park and drank coffee while he watched the woman Dean had taken back to the room the night before. He hadn't seen her walk to the bench, though he'd looked up in time to see her sit.

Dean sure knew how to pick the weird chicks. Sam just got a strange vibe off of her.

She was dressed, though not wearing her coat or carrying her purse, an indication to Sam that she planned to return to the room. He half expected her to pull out a phone and call someone. She didn't. What she did was sit on the bench with perfect posture, her hands clasped almost prissily in her lap.

He thought his initial assessment of her was right on the money. A timid, sheltered librarian or schoolteacher or _something_ determined to do something wild for once in her life. If her sitting alone outside at dawn was any indication, this bit of wild with Dean was weighing heavily on her mind. Sam imagined her wondering just what she'd gotten herself into. He could almost feel her vulnerability as she sat there staring into thin air.

His food came, an omelet filled with fresh vegetables, ham and cheese, with wheat toast and fruit on the side. He cut the omelet, took a bite, and returned his attention to her.

Dean appeared, joining Risa, keeping a hand on her as they talked. There was a tentative manner to Dean's posture and gestures. He appeared to be trying to convince her of something and by the time Sam finished his breakfast, they were standing, Dean taking her hand and leading her back towards the motel.

* * *

Castiel sat on the park bench, feeling anything but calm. Something was wrong with Risa's body. That had to be the problem. The way she felt now wasn't the way she'd felt inside Jimmy. The physical urges towards Dean alone were confusing. Add to that how she seemed to have absolutely no control of her emotions…. There was something amiss. It was the only conclusion she could come to.

Angels weren't supposed to have emotions. Not like this.

She felt awkward, plain _wrong_. A line had been crossed and Cas wasn't sure what that line was. Raising a hand to her cheeks, she realized they were slick from tears. She'd been crying without noticing it.

"Cas?" Dean's hand grasped her shoulder, held on as he circled the bench, then trailed down her arm. He was afraid Castiel was going to disappear. That fear was evident without having to look at him. "It's you, isn't it?" He took her hand, fingers twining with hers.

She nodded. "Go away, Dean."

"Not gonna happen. You know that."

His presence beside her made a sick lurching begin in her stomach. Castiel wanted to flee, to somehow erase these sensations she kept having when near Dean. "Please."

"You left while I was asleep."

"Yes. I was…." How did she feel about what had happened? Ashamed. Mortified. Both words were right to describe what she'd felt lying there beside him watching him sleep. They'd been naked together, bodies joined. A human thing, but one that was intimate. Personal.

She felt the heat of a flush spreading along her face, neck and chest. Dean had been inside of her, caressing a part of her that was so very intimate. Dean. _Her_ Dean.

"Embarrassed?"

"I was going to say ashamed, but embarrassed fits the circumstances as well."

"Regretful?"

There was an odd, almost worried lilt to the word. Did Castiel regret the experience? No. It gave her a greater understanding of that part of humanity. Did she regret Dean being the one she'd experienced this part with? No as well. What Castiel did regret was the broken promise to Risa. She wasn't going to be returned exactly as she'd been taken. "I don't regret the experience exactly, or you, I just…." She couldn't seem to put her unease into words and shrugged.

Beside her, Dean nodded. "If it makes you feel any better, I feel tons of weird, too." Squeezing her hand, he leaned close. "I swear Cas, if I'd known it was you in there -"

"Apologies are unnecessary, Dean. I had ample opportunity to refuse and I chose to let the act commence. My unease at this moment is my own fault. I should have revealed my presence here inside Risa's body the second I realized something wasn't right in her."

"What do you mean, something wasn't right?"

"She's…overly emotional. I can't seem to contain the feelings, which is strange because I had no such problem with Jimmy. They're overwhelming with her. Her body…." Castiel tried to loose her hand from Dean's. He wouldn't let go. The warm, insistent pressure of his fingers caused another confusing rush of warmth in her body. This warmth was different from the flush already on her skin, for it was internal. "Even this slight physical contact is causing a bewildering physical response. Her heartbeat quickens and she…_I_ feel too warm…almost like there's an _ache_ inside. I've been injured before, but this, it's different. There's no wound to cause it, yet I feel it nonetheless." Clenching her free hand into a fist, she pressed it to that line where her panties sat. Bikini line, Castiel remembered. It's called the bikini line. "It's here." She licked her lips, very aware of Dean watching the movement of her tongue. Her heartbeat pounded fast and hard in her chest. "She's broken somehow. It's the only conclusion I can find."

Dean stared at her a long moment and Castiel waited for some sort of reassurance, hoping Dean could give one because all of the things she was feeling and the intensity with which she felt them frightened her.

* * *

Surely Castiel wasn't still that naïve?

Dean listened to the oddly stammered explanation as to what Cas thought was wrong with Risa's body in a growing state of realization. For all of the knowledge Castiel had gained in Jimmy's body, he'd neglected to understand that women were different in more ways than just physical attributes. Women were emotional creatures and some experienced emotion more heavily than others. From the explanation, it sounded like Risa Hope was a woman who felt emotions keenly - and everything else for that matter.

Some of his own unease slipped away. "You think all of that means there's something wrong with her?"

"Of course."

"You having any reactions like that to anyone else?"

"No, only you. It's obvious to me that she wasn't a filled vessel because she's defective in some way."

If Cas were thinking clearly, she'd realize that because the reaction she was having was only to Dean, it meant Risa wasn't defective or damaged. Obviously, then, clear thought just wasn't happening. Dean raised a brow. She was reacting rather like a normal, average woman sometimes did.

"No, Cas, no…." He released her hand and turned on the bench, placing his other hand on her knee to both keep a physical connection going and to maybe guard against Cas disappearing. Her disappearing would be the worst thing to happen right now. He needed to convince her to stay. "All of that…. She's seriously attracted to me." He blinked a couple times at the way that sounded. "Which sounds sort of conceited to say out loud, but that's what all that means. It's attraction. Emotional, physical."

Cas still wasn't understanding, uncertainty and confusion in her eyes.

"Sexual attraction, Cas." Though it wouldn't just be Risa, would it, he thought. Cas was attracted to him too, otherwise she never would have consented. The two together were attracted. Maybe that's what was making her feel to such an extent. "You _did_ know there was sexual attraction there, right?" The idea that Castiel was attracted to him sexually made him feel a little warm.

"Of course I knew." Her lips twisted and she gave a derisive snort. "I'm not stupid, Dean. I wanted to be with you. I knew what it was I was wanting."

"Sure, sure. Well…. All of what you're feeling now is sort of a continuation of that."

"Continuation? There's more to this experience?"

"Sounds to me like Risa is a very emotionally sensitive woman."

"This is normal?" Skepticism was heavy in the words, as though Cas thought Dean was lying.

"It can be. All women are emotional, but some more than others."

"I don't think I like _these_ sensations, Dean. I don't want to be emotional like this."

He moved closer, arm along the back of the bench. "Only because you're scared by it." Dean could see that fear in the shallow breaths she took, the trembling of her mouth, and the way she remained tense against him. He slid his hand along her thigh in a deliberate, slow seductive gesture, wanting very much to take away that fear. It was strange to him to see Castiel afraid of something like this, though he supposed it was natural for her to be afraid. He remembered Anna saying that angels didn't feel like humans did and for Castiel to be feeling…. "I've been told it's normal for some women not to really enjoy their first time. Why don't you try it again before you decide you don't like it?"

Her hand covered his on her leg. "Are you attempting to coax me back into your bed for further sexual acts?" There was a breathless quality to those words.

"Yes." He admitted it with only the barest pang of weirdness inside of him. What the hell am I doing, he thought, his mind immediately coming back with: making it all better for her.

"Why?"

"You looked in the mirror, Cas? This body you've got is smoking', not to mention that _that_ combined with this uncertain, innocent manner is a pretty potent duo. I can ignore the weirdness, work on giving you some sensations you'll like."

She looked down at their hands. "Things will change between us, Dean."

"Things already have changed. I thought you'd noticed." He leaned over, mouth to her ear, taking a quick glance behind them, seeing they were still alone. "We had sex. It's an intimate, personal thing, about as close as two people ever get. I'd like to make sure you get everything out of it that women were meant to." Dean meant those words. He'd hate for Cas to leave feeling unhappy and unsatisfied with their night together.

He heard a gulp, the hand on his trembling. He could only imagine how intense the sensations were that Castiel was having for her to be unable to contain them. Did increased emotion equal increased physical sensation as well?

"That means going back to the room together and really exploring the sensations this body is having. I think you really want to do that, don't you?" He pressed a kiss beside her ear. "Do this with me, Cas. Come back to the room. We'll take a shower, stretch out on the bed, and see if we can't turn it all to pleasure for you."

"I…." Another gulp. She tipped her head back, looking at the sky, gaze moving back and forth as though searching for her answer there. Her lips parted. "Yes."

Yes?

Standing, he led her back to the motel.

* * *

While Castiel hated being vulnerable, being so with Dean was bearable. She returned to the room with him, letting him lead her into the bathroom.

"Are you certain a shower is necessary?"

Dean took his shirt off. "Trust me, Cas. You can't miss out on this." He reached for the clasp of his jeans. "Shinny out of those clothes."

She stripped the clothes off, dropping them onto the pile of his clothes as Dean turned the shower on and adjusted the temperature. If the previous night had felt different, this now felt even more so. This time, Dean was aware it was her. She hugged herself. "This is awkward."

He turned, reaching for her, hands warm on her hips. "It is a little."

"I should go." She unfolded her arms, laid them on his. His arms were strong and could lift this human body easily if he wanted to. Castiel wondered what it would feel like to have him do that. Would it be pleasurable? She slid her hands up to his shoulders, pausing for just a fraction of a second - not even a noticeable amount of time for Dean - on her handprint on his shoulder. Did the scar ache? Had it ever? She'd never asked if grasping him tight and pulling him from the fires of Hades had hurt.

"Stay awhile." He nodded at the shower. Steam was beginning to roll from it. "Have a nice, hot shower."

"I've never had a shower."

"Day of firsts for you. We should make a list of all those things you've never done and start crossing them off one by one."

The water was hot, yet not too hot, the temperature warm enough to make the pass of Dean's soapy hands on her skin even more rousing. His caresses were slow, firm, and thorough. He turned her back to him and reached around, soaping her breasts and stomach, and washing the soap away. Her back received the same treatment and then he was turning her to face him, pressing her against the wall of the shower. He laid a trail of kisses from her shoulder up to her mouth, one hand sliding down her side and leg.

"Lift your knee," he said against her mouth.

She did, resting her foot lightly on the side of the tub.

He dragged that hand up her thigh and around it, to the inside and higher, his gaze never leaving hers. She gasped as that touch became intimate, her resulting pleased sigh almost entirely swallowed by Dean's mouth at hers. Cas clutched at his shoulders, closing her eyes. "Dean!"

"You like that?"

"Yes!"

"I thought you would."

She made a noise of disappointment when he removed his hand from her, opening her eyes. "You stopped. Why?"

"Not ready to let you get off yet."

"Get off?"

His smile was decidedly wicked. "You'll see in a bit." He grasped her hand, lowering it down his body. "Let me show you what to do."

She reciprocated the caress, moving her hand and fingers the way he showed her, enjoying the fact that she could cause him to groan and shudder and gasp in obvious pleasure of her touch. With a final groan, he stilled that movement.

"We gotta get out of this shower before one of us slips and falls. With my luck it'd probably be me, too." Dean turned off the shower and reached for two towels, handing one to her. "Here. Dry off, but don't worry about drying off too much."

Castiel began to feel not quite so awkward.

They adjourned to the other room, back to the bed they'd previously been on. Dean's kisses were blistering in intensity and when he slid down her body and used his mouth where his hand had been, Castiel understood what he'd meant by 'get off', discovering what had been missing the night before. Tension gathered inside her and was suddenly gone in a bursting of pleasure that rolled up and down her body. She cried out, back arching, lost in those sensations.

Dean was against her then, his weight pressing her into the mattress. It felt right, perfect, and, if such a thing was possible, even more beautiful than the night before. Castiel rocked with him, drawing her legs up, wrapping them around his hips. She dug her nails into his back as a second wave of ecstasy hit her and tumbled her beneath it.

The entire experience was different this time, hours passing in pleasant whirl of sensation. Dean proclaimed Risa's body sensitive to touch. Castiel believed him, as Dean's mouth and hands along her skin continued to elicit sensations that weren't nearly as confusing and frightening as they'd been before.

It was much later when Dean got up from the bed and pulled his jeans back on. He stared at her a moment with a satisfied tilt to his brow, then opened his bag. "Here, come here, put this on."

Cas left the bed, catching the t-shirt Dean tossed at her. "Why?"

"Because. Wearing a guy's shirt after boinking him is a feminine right of passage."

Boinking? Castiel searched for the meaning of the word and realizing it was slang for sex, pulled the shirt on. "Feminine right of passage?" It was a little big on her, but Dean seemed to appreciate it, helping to smooth it down with extra attention on her breasts and hips.

"Yeah. You've got to have the entire experience, Cas." He gave her another long look and whistled. "Nice." Stepping back, Dean grabbed the remote, returned to the bed and laid down, clicking the tv on. "Now, come here." He beckoned with one hand. "We're gonna watch some tv."

"Television is a waste of time."

"You in a hurry?"

"Not particularly."

"Then get your ass over here." He ran a hand along the bed beside him.

While she saw no need to spend time staring at a thing that could not engage all the senses, Castiel laid down beside Dean as he wanted her to. She rested her head on his chest, but Dean wouldn't stay still, shifting about, and finally reaching for his watch.

"Sorry, Cas. No wonder I'm hungry. I missed breakfast." He got up and reached for one shirt, then his shoes. "I'm going to go across the street and get something."

Castiel sat up and crawled across the bed to him. She swung her legs over the side and watched him put his shoes on.

When the laces were tied, he looked at her. "You stay here, okay? I mean it. No disappearing." He patted the bed with one hand. "You stay right here."

She glanced down at the bed and back up. "Right here?"

"Right here. You don't move."

Cas stared at him, pondering the strangeness of that order. Why couldn't she move from the bed? Was it another sexual thing? She opened her mouth to ask, then simply nodded. Sometimes with Dean it was better not to ask for clarification. "Very well. I'll remain…here."

She stayed there until Dean returned.

* * *

When Sam went in to get clothes and a few of his things to occupy himself in the room he'd broken down and gotten, the woman Risa was sitting on the edge of one bed. She was wearing one of Dean's t-shirts, the hem at mid-thigh. She had nice legs. Sam noticed that as he grabbed items and tossed them into his bag. He noticed her legs and that the way she filled out that t-shirt was spectacular.

"Sorry about this," he told her. "I'll just be a minute."

She murmured a barely audible, "I understand," which seemed an odd response. Perhaps she was embarrassed to be seen?

He glanced at her again. Yup, Dean sure could pick 'em. There was definitely something off about her. Strange, but in a really hot way. Her hair was tousled and loose about her shoulders and Sam had to admit she was a gorgeous woman.

She looked at him and Sam realized his own glance had become a stare. Her gaze was intense, yet calmly so.

Risa wasn't embarrassed or nervous, he realized. She was simply waiting, with extreme patience for Sam to collect his belongings and Dean to return. Most people would be fidgeting, flipping through the magazines strewn about the room or watching tv. Not her. She sat waiting without a diversion.

Geez, I thought only Castiel had patience like that, he thought. "I don't mean to stare," he began.

She blinked, then returned her attention directly in front of her. "Yes, you do, Sam."

"Um…right. Sorry." He didn't remember telling her his name. Maybe Dean had?

"I need no apology. It's natural for you to be curious about me."

"Sure." He hurried to finish packing, exiting the room as fast as he could. Dean's lady of the moment made him uncomfortable. As he closed the door and shouldered his bag, he saw Dean coming down the walk, a large take-out bag in his hands. Sam stopped him, jerking a thumb back at the room. "That chick's seriously strange."

Dean nodded. "Yeah." He clapped Sam on the back. "You have _no_ idea, Sammy. None at all. See you in a couple days."

"You're planning on spending more time with her?"

"Yup."

"Are you nuts?"

He grinned, "Probably," slapped Sam on the back and went in the room.

* * *

He'd started to feel weird the second they'd laid down to watch tv and, rather than acknowledge he felt weird right then, Dean had used his stomach as an excuse even though he wasn't particularly hungry. That sliver of weird continued right up through meeting Sam at the door and stepping inside the room.

"So…." Dean paused a moment before closing the door. It looked suspiciously like Castiel was still sitting where she had been when he'd left over half an hour ago. "Have you moved at all from that spot?"

"No. You said to remain here." She patted the bed.

"Um…. I didn't mean that you literally had to stay on the bed. I just wanted you to stay in the room."

"Mmm." Castiel nodded. "That would explain why it seemed a strange request."

He'd actually forgotten how literal Cas could be at times. "Right. Sorry." Crossing to the table, he asked, "What'd you say to Sam?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary for the situation."

"And _how_ do you know what's ordinary for this situation exactly?"

Castiel frowned, head leaning back a fraction. After a moment, one smooth brow arched. "Point taken. However, I said nothing save that he was staring, which he was, and that it was natural for him to be curious about me, which it also is."

"Uh-huh." He set down the fast food bag. "I assumed you didn't want any food. Is that right?"

"You're correct. I don't require sustenance in this vessel anymore than I do in Jimmy."

"Speaking of Jimmy, where is he right now?"

"I believe he is likely enjoying sexual relations with Amelia at present."

"You let him loose for a conjugal visit?"

"I've given him time with his wife that both desired to have. What they do with that time is predictable human behavior given the months they've been apart." Castiel stood from the bed, the t-shirt sliding up to barely cover her, the hem brushing the very tops of her thighs. Dean swallowed hard. "I don't know that they're engaging in sexual intercourse, but I can extrapolate the likelihood of that action based upon the given facts."

Dean shook his head and sat, opening one wrapper. "Can you maybe try to talk normal? I can't get used to your words from _her_ mouth."

Cas moved close. "I talk as I always do, Dean. You didn't appear to mind yesterday, last night, and earlier today."

He glanced up and just as quickly back at his food. "Well now it's freaking me out, okay?"

It was the truth. It had been easier when he hadn't known Risa was angeled up. It had been easier before he'd really had the time to process and reflect upon those things he'd been doing with her. No, not with her. With _Castiel_. It wasn't Risa with him, it was Cas.

True, he hadn't been phased by the revelation that Anna was an angel, but then she hadn't previously been in a guy's body, nor had she gone through all that Castiel had with Dean. Anna hadn't been the one to pull him from hell and leave a permanent handprint on his shoulder. Nor had she been the one he'd once taken to a whorehouse and teased about being a virgin.

I popped an angel's cherry, he thought, and immediately felt strange about it.

He looked at Castiel, who was now sitting in the chair across from him. "I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You going back into Jimmy?"

"In a few days, yes."

"Oh." The idea disappointed him a little. He thought he could get used to Cas as a chick, especially in that body.

"I promised Risa it'd be a week, maybe two, but no more."

"Right."

Castiel was silent a moment. When she spoke, her voice was halting. "Do you wish me to remain in Risa?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "You could do that?" What would happen if Castiel stayed in Risa? That speculative question produced an answer from the deepest part of him. He could easily develop feelings far greater than friendship or plain physical lust. There was a softness to Castiel in Risa's body that wasn't present otherwise, a change that was wholly feminine and utterly desirable, a change that attracted him.

Was it a good idea to love an angel, especially one who knew him so completely already?

"I could. It would depend largely on her consent to that, of course, but if she did consent, I could remain in her."

"Oh." He took a few bites, swallowed them. "No, I don't think it'd be a good idea to move from Jimmy to her _permanently_." Temporarily now and then though…. He searched for something to say as he finished eating and finally jerked his head towards the bag she'd brought. "What's in that bag?"

"I don't know. Risa said to take it with me wherever I went and I'd have whatever I needed."

"You haven't opened it?"

"I already have everything I want or need, Dean. There was no reason to open it."

"You weren't curious?" Maybe Castiel wasn't curious, but he was. What on earth had Risa put in there that she'd thought Cas might need as her?

"Not especially. Human understanding of what angels need is often quite wrong."

"Mmm." He cleaned up from the meal, tossing the trash into the trashcan, and went over to the bag. "Let's have a look." Dean opened the bag that Cas had brought and reached in, pulling out the item on top and holding it up. It was a slinky tank. A pair of equally slinky shorts was beneath it. "Pajamas. I think." He set them aside.

"I should sleep in that?" Stretching out one hand, Castiel touched the fabric.

"You don't sleep."

"But if I did -"

"Let's see what else is in here." Sticking his hand down deeper, he grasped more silky fabric and pulled it out, holding it up. It was a deep red panty. Well, it was _sort of_ a panty, one that would cover far less than the one she'd initially been wearing. He grinned and held it out to Castiel. "Here. Put this on, too."

Cas took it, raised it to eye level and stared at it. "This isn't a garment. It's a sliver of fabric and three strings."

"It's called a 'g-string'."

She frowned. "You're making a joke."

"No, I'm not. Women wear these. Didn't you ever pay attention to the porn?"

She stared at him, then the g-string. With an almost haughty expression, Castiel held it over the table and dropped it. "I'm not wearing that."

Dean snickered and pulled three more out of the bag, each with a bit less fabric than the one before it. "Yeah? Don't like red," he teased. "Lookie here, there's green, tiger striped, and purple. I think the tiger-striped is totally you." The next pair even managed to raise Dean's brows. They were crotchless. "Hmm. I think I like her taste in lingerie. How about these? You want to wear these?"

"You're going to tell me women wear that as well?"

"Not usually every day," he mused. "What the hell did she think you were going to be doing?"

Castiel shrugged.

"What'd you say to her?"

She glanced away far too quickly. "It's not important."

"Alright. You say so." Obviously it _was_ important, as whatever Castiel had said had induced her to pack naughty lingerie, but Dean let the line of questioning drop. If Cas didn't want to tell him, she wouldn't and nothing he could say would make her.

Also in the bag were toiletry items. Risa had made sure Castiel was prepared. For _something_.

He dropped the items back in the bag. "Hey Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Would you do something for me tonight?"

She turned and leaned against the table. "Yes."

"Don't leave while I'm asleep. If you have to leave…." He looked at her. "Wake me up first?"

One hand raised, cupping his cheek, thumb sweeping across it in a caress. Already, Castiel had learned how much he liked that touch. "I won't leave until you're awake." Her hand slid down his body, fingers hooking in the belt loop of his jeans. "Come back to bed."

He followed her back to the bed and let her pull him down with her.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Dilemma of Human Investment  
Chapter: Three  
Summary: Disgusted with Dean's inability to pay attention, Castiel takes an unorthodox action that has unforeseen consequences. Sam then overhears a conversation between Castiel and Dean and gets the wrong idea about what transpired.  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: 'Supernatural' was created by Eric Kripke. No disrespect is intended.  
Notes: Thank you for the comments!

* * *

Jimmy dropped into Risa's chintz print overstuffed chair. Cas didn't wonder how she knew it was chintz, nor did she question the thought that Jimmy'd better not put his feet on the coffee table. "This idea you had for me to spend a week with Amelia and Claire?" He leaned his head back and smiled. "_Best_ idea ever."

"You enjoyed your time with them?" The idea had been an afterthought really, more along the lines of a place she could put Jimmy where he'd actually stay put.

"Especially Amelia. You know, Castiel, to be blunt, I'd almost forgotten just how good sex feels."

She snorted. "_Tell_ me about it." The time with Dean had been an eye opener.

Jimmy opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. "Umm…. So can I ask where you were all week? I mean, surely you didn't spend it just sitting here all by yourself while I was with them. You had something planned, right?"

"I spent it with Dean."

"With Dean. Dean Winchester?"

"Yes." She smiled a little, remembering those final hours with him. "I spent it with Dean."

"How'd that go?" His gaze turned speculative.

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason." He shrugged. "Just that Dean seemed like the kind of guy who really 'appreciates' beautiful women and the woman you're in is extremely beautiful."

Heat flared on her cheeks. She knew what he was asking and as she hesitated, that speculation in Jimmy's eyes turned into a knowing gleam. "Are you implying something?"

"Castiel."

"Jimmy?"

He smiled and uttered a short laugh. "Well, I thank you for not doing that with him in _my_ body. Can you please keep it that way?"

She tucked her hair behind her ears. "I don't know what you're referring to."

Sitting up, Jimmy leaned forward. "Yeah, you do, but whatever. You want to deny it, go ahead. Are we doing this vessel thing or you going to play out this whole 'Awakenings' bit for awhile?"

"Awakenings bit?" She shook her head, uncertain what he meant by that. It was a comment of the type Dean would make, which was frustrating and made her want to leave in a snit and go back to the motel without making this switch. "I don't understand the reference."

"Never mind. Are you staying in her or not?"

"We're _doing_ the vessel thing, as you call it." Lips tightening in an annoyed line, she stretched out her hand only to draw it back at the last second. "You knew I'd had sex with Dean. How did you know?"

"Didn't know for sure until just now, but you're not exactly good at hiding it."

"Explain."

"Look, Castiel, there's nothing to explain. You obviously had some kind of sexual awakening with Dean and that's great - for you." He nodded once. "And maybe for that woman, too. I don't know. I don't care, just keep it confined to her body, alright?"

"It was a one-time experience."

Jimmy sat back again. "Don't do that. Don't try to go back to how things were," he warned. "You aren't going to be able to, not with that between you. Sex changes everything."

"Dean and I agreed." They had agreed. Castiel would go back to Jimmy's body and that would be that. No more Risa, no more sex. "There'll be no change because we agreed there wouldn't be."

He nodded, expression indicating that he didn't believe her. "Sure. Not in my body, though. Remember that, please?"

"Of course."

Jimmy evaded her hand by turning sideways in the chair and getting up. "No 'of course' about it, Castiel. I don't have to let you back in. I know that. I could say no and you'd have to either stay in her or find another vessel."

She sighed impatiently. This topic had already been covered. "I'll remember it, Jimmy," she insisted. "_You're_ my vessel, not Risa or any other. And you know as well as I do that you're only safe as yourself for brief periods. Demons will continue to look for you. You're safest with me for the long term."

He sat back down. "I just want things to be crystal for you."

Touching his temple, Castiel transferred herself back into Jimmy and became himself again. It took a moment to reorient himself to the male body. Immediately, it was clear that the explosive array of emotions he'd felt were obviously a side-effect of Risa, as he felt calm and in control once more. There were no bewildering physical sensations or odd thoughts.

Castiel spoke to Risa for a few minutes, then left her to go be by himself and think about all that had happened.

* * *

They'd agreed to forget their two days together. The problem was, Dean wasn't forgetting those days. At night, he dreamed of Castiel in Risa's body, reliving all of those intimate moments in full detail, from her initial shyness to that final boldness that had left Dean gasping for breath.

For nearly a week, he waited for Castiel to return, wondering what Cas back in Jimmy's body was going to bring them. How much were things really going to change? He'd sworn they wouldn't, but it was a stupid thing to swear. After all they'd done together in bed, surely Castiel didn't actually believe him that things wouldn't change? Sex changed everything. Always did.

Was Cas going to be all touchy-feely? Was Dean himself? Was he going to look at Castiel in Jimmy's body and feel all those things he'd begun feeling for Cas?

As the days went by without a sign of him, or even a reappearance of _her_, Dean began to worry that those two nights had freaked Cas out to the point of no return and that he wasn't going to come back at all. He sweated out the days, pretending to Sam that Castiel's absence was normal.

When Castiel did appear, he didn't do so right beside him like he usually did. Instead, he appeared across the room, now back in Jimmy's body. He leaned against the low dresser, arms crossed over his chest, and a wary expression upon his face. "Dean."

"Cas." Dean turned off the tv and set the remote down. Was that physical distance between them conscious? Had Castiel intentionally materialized there? "Thought you were coming right back. Where've you been the past few days?" He felt wary himself, looking at Cas and trying to decide if he was feeling any of what he'd felt.

"I needed time to think on what happened between us, time while I was not in an overly emotional female."

"Oh. Is…" He cleared his throat. "Is she okay?"

"Of course. I left her in excellent condition."

"No, I mean…. Did she remember anything?"

"No, though she did call it 'one helluva trippy ride' and told me that if I had need of her in the future that she'd consent to be my vessel again."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. She said it was a rush."

"You mean to tell me she _liked_ being a vessel?" He frowned. That was strange. "Is she a masochist, because Jimmy said -"

"The experience appears to be different for women. At least I think it is. I'd have to find another woman vessel and take the same amount of time inside her to know for sure. Maybe find a few women vessels as a control group -"

"If it's so different and not 'like being chained to a comet' as Jimmy put it, then why aren't there more female vessels? I mean, we've seen a few, but there are obviously more male vessels running around that are being used."

"I have a theory on that."

"Course you do." It was almost expected that Cas would have a theory, bookish little angel he was.

"I believe it has something to do with the emotional and hormonal factors of the feminine mind and body." His expression was earnest, like he'd discovered something no one else was aware of. "Men and women are different, Dean."

"No! I had no idea."

"I believe that there are fewer female vessels because they were bred out of the lines due to those factors. While women are still necessary to the lines for obvious reasons, I believe they've become simply the provider of the egg. It's the male that determines the sex of a child and whether or not the child is a potential vessel. With the propensity towards male vessels within a line, there's little chance of female vessels occurring unless recessive traits combine to become…." He trailed off and shrugged. "It's only a theory and I don't currently have access to the list of filled and available vessels to do a full study of the male to female ratio -"

"Basically, most women get an out because they're women." He moved to stand beside Cas, his own arms crossed, feeling slightly relieved that he wasn't wanting to toss Cas against the wall and have at him.

"Yes. I was able to take Risa as a vessel and she's a separate line from Jimmy. Going on the assumption that all female vessels are potentially as emotional and sensitive as she is, it's easy to see who Zachariah didn't like at all."

"Why him?"

"Because he handed out many vessel assignments, told us which vessels to speak with." He glanced at Dean. "However, I could be wrong and the emotional factor I felt _is_ related to the bloodline. I'm uncertain how stepping into a vessel that's not of the appropriate bloodline would affect an angel. It could be that as well. Again, I'd need a control group to examine the issue fully."

"Ah." Dean studied him. While Castiel seemed like his pre-Risa self, there was a hesitancy in his overall manner, like he retained some of that embarrassment he'd admitted feeling on that park bench. "You seem different today."

"I'm myself again."

Dean scuffed one foot against the floor in an attempt at a casual gesture. "Any…physical urges towards me?"

Castiel turned his head to look at him, that stare searing through him. It seemed hours passed before he replied, "No. I feel no sexual attraction to you the way I did in Risa's body."

"Oh. Good, 'cause, you know, you're a dude again and…." Okay, he had to admit to himself that he was dying to know what Cas thought about the whole experience having had that time to think about it. He sighed, nodded once and blurted out his query before he could think to stop it.

* * *

"What did you think? Be honest. I mean, now that you've had time to think about it all. How, uh, how was I?"

Sam paused in the act of reaching to push open the door. Dean's voice was nervous, hesitant, and hushed. The silence that followed the question felt weighted, and Sam cocked his head, listening for a reply. Just when he'd decided Dean was on the phone, Castiel's voice sounded. It was equally as nervous, hesitant and hushed in tone as Dean's had been.

"I…have no basis for comparison, Dean. Having never engaged in sexual activity before, I can't give an accurate evaluation of your prowess. However, I did greatly enjoy the experience."

Sam's mouth dropped open.

"You did?"

"I believe my enjoyment of the act was obvious. Especially the second time. And the times after that."

Dean cleared his throat and whatever he said next was muffled.

Sam retreated to the nearest bar that was open. Over a couple of beers, he pondered this development. Dean and Castiel. He shuddered. Dean and Castiel having sex. He shuddered again and ordered a shot of whiskey.

How had _that_ happened?

Was it the fiasco with Lisa that precipitated it? Had Dean's definition of normal changed that drastically? Or was it something else? Had this been on the horizon for awhile and Sam simply hadn't noticed it?

Thinking back, he tried to find clues that would lead to this conclusion, but other than Castiel's thoroughly justified confusion on the vagaries of proper human behavior, there wasn't much. Sure, he stood a little too close, but angels didn't understand personal space, right? And they really had no concept of privacy. Right? Maybe it was just that Castiel was still confused about some things? But if that was the case, wouldn't Dean have said something, like a forceful, 'Geez, dude, I'm into chicks, okay?'. Sam didn't really see Castiel seducing Dean, so it had to have been Dean who'd seduced….

He shook his head. No, no, no. He wasn't going to go through the day with thoughts of _that_ going through his mind. No. Sam refused.

Thinking about it was giving him a headache.

"There you are, Sam." Dean slapped him on the back and commandeered the barstool beside him. "We've been looking for you. You never came back to the room." He jerked his thumb behind him. "Look who's back."

A glance showed Castiel standing a little too close to Dean like usual. The close contact held different connotations now than it had before, no longer innocent. The mental picture he got made him shudder again and he flashed a weak smile in their direction before ordering another shot and drinking it down.

"Are you all right, Sam," Castiel asked in a mildly concerned tone.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine. I'm…yeah."

"You sure you're sure about that, Sammy?" Dean drummed his fingers on the bar. "You're acting kind of spazzy. Not like you to drink at ten in the morning. What's up?"

He let out a laugh. "Don't ask, don't tell." The puzzled glance Dean and Castiel exchanged no longer seemed buddy-like, but rather an intimate sharing of thoughts and Sam snickered again. "Oh man…. Here I thought this life was going to be easier, because hey, you go through the Apocalypse and come out the other side alive, man you can face anything."

Dean made a motion with one hand at the bartender. "Okay, Sammy, time to cut you off."

There was only one thing he could do, wasn't there?

He'd have to show Dean that he was fully supportive of his lifestyle choices, even if it _was_ freaking him out more than a little at present.

Yup, he'd be supportive.

He found the nearest gay bar that night, playing navigator in the passenger seat when they went out. There was nothing obvious about the bar, not even the name. Inside, there was a full crowd, men and women both. He swallow his own discomfort and do this for Dean. They found a place to sit.

Dean turned out to be very popular, which didn't really surprise Sam, as he was just that kind of guy. What surprised him was how popular he himself turned out to be, although unlike Dean, he refused the drink offers sent over to their table, not wanting to give the wrong idea that he was interested.

"Turning down free beers? Are you nuts?" Dean accepted beer after beer and a few shots as well, then turned to take a closer look at the blond that was sending him drinks.

His affable, friendly smile faded and he slid the beer away. "This is a gay bar, isn't it, Sam?"

"Yup. I'll be supportive of your lifestyle choices, man, even if it means…this."

Dean stared at him. "Not funny. What the hell's wrong with you? You know I like naked chicks." He pointed a finger at Sam. "Your sense of humor has gotten way weird since you escaped Lucifer's prison." Getting up, he left the bar.

Sam followed him. There was a tense silence between them all the way back to the motel. As they got out of the car, Sam said, "Come on, Dean. Don't bother denying it. I know you and Castiel had sex."

"What?" He slammed the driver's door. "What are you talking about?"

"I overheard you two earlier talking about it."

"You think…. No, Sam, just…. No. Me and Cas?" His snort was exaggerated as he opened the door to their room. "What have you been smoking?"

"Dean, I _heard_ him say he liked having sex with you. What else was I supposed to think?"

"No." He shuddered. "No." After drawing in a deep breath, he blew that breath out slowly. "Okay, do you remember Risa? Leggy, built?"

"You mean the weird chick from last week?" Sam closed the door.

"Funny the things _you_ remember about women."

He rolled his eyes. "What about her?"

"She's a vessel."

"A vessel?" The news stunned him for a few seconds. "An angelic vessel."

"I know, right?" Dean spread his arms, gesturing with his hands. "A vessel."

Sam thought about that a moment in context with the topic of conversation. "Cas switched vessels?"

"Yes, he did. Just…flipped over to Risa Hope for a few days."

"I didn't know he could do that."

"Apparently, he can, because he did. I guess it was a temporary thing while Jimmy was off having a conjugal visit with Amelia."

"When did he start letting Jimmy do that?" He couldn't recall Castiel ever really caring if Jimmy had time off or not, nor caring if Jimmy got to spend quality time with his family. In fact, Sam recalled Cas telling Jimmy that basically his term as a vessel would be forever.

Dean shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't say."

"So…. Cas switched from a male to female vessel." He considered that awhile longer. "That made him a her because they take on the sex of their vessel."

"Yeah, so?"

"He knew you'd like Risa. Hell, you made that clear in the restaurant with that whole speech about her clothes."

Dean glanced at him. "You implying something, Sammy?"

He let a slow grin tug his lips, a little amused by what had happened. "Dean, dude. You were seduced by an angel."

"That's not what happened. I was the only one doing any seducing. Besides, I didn't know it was Cas at first. I thought she was that Risa chick."

"Uh-huh. He just happens to take a vessel he knew you'd get hot for and parks Jimmy off safely to one side? She doesn't tell you she's Castiel, goes off with you to the room, let's you do a ton of naughty to her…. You're going to tell me there was no ulterior motive on Cas's part? Dean, I saw the clothes Risa had on. Not exactly Cas's usual get-up."

"Women wear different clothes. She just happened to -"

"Put on a skirt that barely covered her panties. Was she even wearing any?"

"Tiny ones." His head tipped back. "Like microscopic…."

"How sure are you that Castiel didn't show up here in Risa's body intending on seducing you?"

Dean shook his head as though to clear it. "Don't muddy things up, Sam. You know Cas. Being duplicitous like that? So not his forte. Cas couldn't do the whole seduction thing even if he…she…had to."

"Really? Because from here, it sure looks just like that."

"You're wrong."

"I don't believe you."

"She was obviously inexperienced. No way she seduced me."

"Prove it."

Dean opened his mouth, then closed it. After a moment, he called out, "Cas! Hey Cas, you listening?"

He appeared a few minutes later. "I'm here."

"Tell Sam you didn't come here in Risa's body intending on seducing me."

Castiel's mouth opened, his gaze lowering and slipping off to one side as he licked his lips then drew in a deep breath. Twin spots of color appeared on his cheekbones. "I'm sorry, Dean, but I can't do that."

"See, he…what?" Dean blinked. "You…what?"

Sam almost laughed. Almost. Something in Castiel's expression stalled that laughter however. He looked cornered and extremely uncomfortable. "Maybe you should explain."

He turned away. "I never meant for that to happen. I never meant for things to change."

"Things always change," Sam told him, "regardless of whether we mean them to or not. What happened?"

"Dean had been going on about appearances and I simply thought he should rethink that. I knew Risa was a vessel and took her as a temporary vessel, intending on flirting a bit, then revealing it was me once we were alone. Appearances. A contrast. Me, an angel, and her, a woman very much what Dean thought she was. It seemed like a good plan when I thought of it. However," he bent his head, "I…miscalculated the difference between a male and female body and apparently the difference between male and female vessels. There were emotions and physical sensations I didn't anticipate and I…." He sighed. "I decided to let the experience continue to the natural conclusion." He glanced up at both of them, gaze apologetic. "So you see, Dean, I did intend to seduce you, just not as far as what occurred."

Dean crossed his arms. "Does it matter who seduced who? It happened, end of story."

Castiel looked miserable, his shoulders slumped and head remaining bowed. "I apologize for the subterfuge. I shouldn't have attempted an object lesson of that sort without having had the previous experience in a female vessel to know the extreme differences."

What Cas _didn't_ say was that he shouldn't have done it at all. Sam had nothing to say to that. He rested his hands on his hips and looked away from Cas and Dean. He nodded. "So, does this mean we're _not_ going back to that bar later?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Dean's brows rose.

Sam laughed for about five seconds. "Uh…yeah. You want me to leave so you can talk about this?"

His snort was loud. "No. What's there to talk about?"

"Now _you're_ kidding _me_. There's plenty to talk about, Dean. Don't you agree, Cas?"

Castiel stood up straight and raised his head. "I see no need to speak further on it."

Now Sam blinked. "Let me get this straight. The fact that you, Cas, switched vessels just to seduce Dean, then ended up actually being seduced needs no discussion whatsoever?"

Dean and Castiel exchanged a long glance, then looked back at him and shook their heads, their emphatic 'no' nearly in unison.

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know."

With a frown, Castiel said, "You're thinking of the Nile, Sam -"

"It's a saying, Cas, and Sam thinks he's being funny."

"If you think this doesn't need discussion, you two are nuts."

None of his arguments budged them and Sam finally gave up, wondering just how long until the consequences of that action reared up.

* * *

Cas was different and Dean pondered that difference. There was an inapproachability to him now, a line definitely back between them, a line that had everything to do with the male-female vessel issue. He kept watching Castiel, trying to find something of that softness that had been displayed in Risa's body.

Sam smacked him in the arm none too gently. "You're mooning again."

"I am _not_ mooning, I'm just…whatever. I'm not mooning."

"You've got a crush on Castiel, Dean. Face it." He could hear the disapproval in Sam's voice.

"Hell I do."

But Sam was right - sort of. Dean's definition of normal had taken a sharp curve when he'd realized he'd not only begun daydreaming about Cas as a girl, but also seriously considered asking him to go back to Risa so they could have another couple days together. He wanted another taste of a female Castiel.

Did Cas know that? Had he done that little mind-reading trick he wasn't supposed to do but that Dean knew he did anyway? Did he know what it was that Dean was searching for when he looked at him these days?

Apparently, he did, for two weeks after Castiel had returned Risa to her home, he came back in her, showing up as he and Sam were settling down to watch a few hours of tv. Her hair was loose about her shoulders and she wore a raincoat belted tightly at her trim waist.

"Would you mind giving us some privacy, Sam," she asked.

Sam sighed. "Are you kicking me out of the room, _Cas?_"

"Only for a night."

He rolled his eyes. "Give me money for a room, Dean."

"Spend your own money." He sat up, setting his beer aside.

"No, not this time." Sam shook his head and got up from his bed. "You want to do this, you give me money for my own room, because no way am I sleeping in the car just so you and Cas can get it on. No offense, Cas, but I don't see why I have to be the one to skedaddle."

"No offense taken. Give him the money, Dean."

"But -"

She raised her brows. "I'll make that loss up to you. I promise."

Reaching for his wallet, Dean pulled out two twenties and handed them to Sam.

"Oh, geez." Sam began shoving things into his bag. "At least wait until I'm out of the room, okay?"

Dean watched Castiel. She didn't move as Sam left, nor did she move after the door shut. She appeared to be weighing something in her mind, indecision crossing her face first, then determination. "Take off your coat, Cas. Stay awhile," he prompted.

With a deep breath, she undid the belt on her coat, opened it, and let it drop without another word.

His mouth went dry. She stood there in nothing but a 'g-string' and high heels. "Oh," he breathed. "That's kind of naughty."

She quirked a brow. "You _did_ say the tiger-stripe was totally me, correct?"

"And I was right." Getting up, he went to her. "You came back."

Cas cupped his face in her hands. "You wanted me to," she told him, then kissed him.

It was all it had been and more, a bit of light and warmth that sparked something inside him into flame. That flame burned slow and small at first, but steady, the emotion he'd thought he could begin to feel for her if he let himself: love. It was there inside him, sheltered carefully by a bruised and still faintly bleeding soul that retained a sliver of hope.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Dilemma of Human Investment  
Chapter: Four  
Summary: Disgusted with Dean's inability to pay attention, Castiel takes an unorthodox action that has unforeseen consequences. Sam then overhears a conversation between Castiel and Dean and gets the wrong idea about what transpired.  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: 'Supernatural' was created by Eric Kripke. No disrespect is intended.

* * *

"You ever stop to think about this situation with you and Cas?"

Dean flipped a page in the magazine he was reading. "What situation? What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Dean. The situation. You and Cas and you and _Cas with the female body_."

"What about it?" He looked up and Sam had the urge to shake him or something just to get that stupid calm expression off his face. Dean had been almost drugged calm since Castiel had returned in Risa's body, drifting through the days and jobs with a cavalier manner that reminded Sam of how Dean had once been years earlier, before hell and the Apocalypse had taken the joy of everything from him.

"Dean, you debauched an angel and continue to do so on a weekly basis." He shook his head. "That mean anything to you? And not just any angel, but the one who pulled you from hell and nearly ended up human a few months back because he disobeyed heaven in order to fight alongside you. It's about as wrong as you can get."

"Hey," he raised his brows, planted his elbow on the table, and pointed at Sam, "I could say a few words about a certain someone and you and glass houses and you notice I'm not. Castiel is a grown angel and he-she can decide what he-she wants to do all by her-his, he-she self."

"It's not normal."

"What are you talking about? It's completely normal for us."

"Dean."

"What?" He raised his hands and sat back. "You had a werewolf and a demon, freak-boy. Don't you talk to me about every day normal, okay? You're just jealous you don't get an angel, too."

"You _have_ had two by my count."

"I'm just that awesome."

Sam laughed. "Whatever."

"You _are_ jealous. Castiel in Risa…." Raising his brows once more, he whistled long and low. "That sounded kind of dirty put like that, didn't it?"

"Kind of?"

"Yeah, well, you try to deny she's smoking' hot."

"Not denying _Risa_ is hot, Dean." Risa was a beautiful woman. Sam would admit that easily.

"Come on, Sammy, admit it. You'd do Cas in a heartbeat in that body." He waggled his brows. "Huh? Yeah? Am I right?"

"Dean." Sam looked away, a little uncomfortable by the line of questioning. Cas as a woman made him uncomfortable and in just the way Dean was suggesting. "It's Castiel you're talking about."

"Mmm-hmm. If she showed up here while you were alone, took off all her clothes, and said 'Do me, Sam', you're going to try to tell me you wouldn't be on her like white on rice?"

Rolling his eyes, he decided it was just better to give in and admit it than go through potentially hours of the same line of questioning. Dean would be relentless on the matter. "Maybe I would, but -"

"Hah!" Dean laughed and pointed a triumphant finger at him. "You would _so_ do Cas. I knew it. You totally want in her panties."

Sam sighed.

"Speaking of her panties…. Have I told you about the lingerie that Risa chick has in her wardrobe? I think she has every naughty idea out there stashed away. Cas has been trying out the different ones she's got and I'm damn impressed with that woman's collection. It's like Christmas every visit," he clapped his hands together and rubbed them, "and Cas is a present I get to unwrap."

"You do know it's not normal to be screwing an angel, right? Especially when it's Castiel in whatever body Cas has these days."

Dean shrugged. "We're not normal guys," he said in a reasonable tone. "Let's face it. Normal ain't in our cards. Never will be."

Sam held his tongue every time Cas showed up in Risa's body. It didn't end between Cas and Dean. He couldn't see any way for this to end well for either of them. They were flirting with disaster as much as Sam had when he'd kept seeing Ruby, but like Sam had back then, Dean wasn't understanding it. He wasn't seeing the danger involved.

He held his tongue after that first conversation because Dean wouldn't listen anyway. He'd made up his mind and there was going to be a train wreck coming sometime in the future.

Did Dean even realize he treated Castiel a helluva lot differently when Cas was in Risa? That buddy manner disappeared, became more intimate, the way Dean would treat a steady girlfriend. His voice would soften and Sam could see Dean's emotions were heading in the one way guaranteed to hurt him the most: loving Castiel the way Dean had dreamed of having a woman to love.

As much as Sam wanted Dean to be happy, he knew very well that this wasn't a good thing in the long run. And as he watched Castiel very carefully, he came to the conclusion that, deep down, she knew it too.

Very soon, Sam planned to have words with her about the situation.

* * *

As the days passed, Castiel's female visits became less about the sex for Dean and more about that emotional connection they'd forged and how good he felt with her. There was a growing calmness inside him that each visit aided and he began to see the beauty in the world once more.

With Castiel around on a more regular basis, Dean thought about Lisa less. He quit dwelling on what had happened with her and the question of why he hadn't seen her brand of crazy from the beginning. He stopped wondering what he could have done differently or if it was some part of him that had set her off.

He knew Castiel. There were no surprises in store of the Lisa variety. A part of him was aware he was falling in love with her and that it wasn't a good idea, but honestly? He wanted to love her. He wanted to feel those things he'd been feeling and _continue_ to feel them. Dean wanted to bask in them like a sunbather to the sun. His feelings were convoluted and there wasn't any way he could actually verbally explain how he could be head over heels with Castiel-Risa, yet not be so with Castiel-Jimmy when they were the same angel inside - all Castiel. It was just how it was and how it was going to be. He had a line and that was that.

Sam thought he was nuts and made no bones about it. He thought Dean wasn't aware of that separation he made or the fact that he treated Castiel-Jimmy and Castiel-Risa differently.

Dean knew he did. He had to keep them separate. There was a way to treat one and a way to treat the other. He couldn't behave the same because while they were the same, they _weren't_. Castiel-Jimmy reacted differently than Castiel-Risa. He'd seen it, he knew it and he behaved accordingly, although Sam probably was right. It wasn't healthy and he was nuts, but he did it anyway. Did it matter? He was actually happy and not that pretend happy he'd been for so long. He was really content with his life and with Castiel.

There was a kind of safety in loving Cas, he supposed. He _did_ know Cas well now, whether male or female in vessel. He knew how Cas thought and could almost predict how he-she would react in situations according to which vessel was present. And Dean knew Castiel loved him with the same sort of lines he himself had drawn. Safe. In a way, it was even freeing to know he had that full definition of love from Cas. After all, his emotional and physical needs were being met.

He had Sam for brotherly things and some friendly things and Castiel for the rest, a nice, neat, clear arrangement. What else did he need? He could relax and relearn how to enjoy life with that emptiness inside him slowly being filled.

The ache of that emptiness was no longer so pronounced, the relief he felt at actually _feeling_ something good at last making him happy.

I'm healing, he thought. It's about damn time.

Still, sometimes he found himself wondering how long it was going to last. Castiel couldn't jump back and forth between Jimmy and Risa forever. There would have to come a day when a change would need to be made. Something was going to need to be permanent, either Castiel to Jimmy or Castiel to Risa. He'd seen a glimpse of that in Cas's eyes already and logically, he knew it, too, praying that that day was far in the future because, damn it, he was happy. Wasn't it about time he had happiness as well as healing? Wasn't it about time he was whole again? He'd been broken for so long now that he barely remembered what it was like to be whole.

Please let me have this, he thought, just for awhile. Please.

During the weeks that passed, he grew curious about the woman Risa. Granted, he hadn't really been curious about Jimmy, but then Jimmy wasn't a woman either, nor had Jimmy bought racy lingerie. At least not that Dean knew about and if he had, it'd probably been for Amelia. He'd ask Cas questions about her, trying to figure out the sort of woman Risa was.

"What does Risa do anyway," he asked as they lay in bed one Saturday afternoon. Sam was off hunting down a potential leads on a job and they had the room to themselves.

"Teaches lower level religion courses at the private college in the town she lives in."

"Mmm. Bet her male students pay attention in class. So why does she have the time to let you be her anyway?"

"She's on Sabbatical for a year."

"Huh." What was going to happen when her year was up? "Okay, let me ask you something else. When Famine was out and about, Jimmy craved red meat and so did you. If Famine was affecting you again -"

"That won't happen."

"But if it did -"

"Famine was rendered ineffective."

Dean dropped a kiss onto her bare stomach and sighed. Chick's body or no, Castiel was still Castiel. "You gonna let me finish?"

"You're asking about something that won't happen."

"Cas."

"What?"

"It's pure speculation, okay?"

She touched his cheek. "Go on."

"Right. If it did happen again, even though it won't, what food would Risa crave?"

Castiel's expression made it clear she thought the question was stupid and unnecessary, but Dean really wanted to know. After a moment of staring at him, she sighed. "Cheesecake. Chocolate cheesecake with ganache and miniature chocolate chips." An odd look crossed her face, one of longing that wasn't sexual in any way, shape, or form. "Creamy smooth chocolate, sweet, but not too sweet -"

"Cas?"

She sighed and licked her lips. "I can almost taste it."

He raised up to sit beside her. "You want me to get you some cheesecake?"

"Would you?" She blinked and shook her head on the pillow. "No, I don't require food. It's unnecessary. This craving is purely imaginary. And yet I really want cheesecake, Dean. I don't understand why. A moment ago -"

"You want it, let's go get it. You get cheesecake, I'll have some pie. Let's do it. Let's be impulsive."

"Impulsive." She studied him a long moment, then bit her lip and nodded. "Alright. I'll be impulsive with you, Dean."

While he enjoyed seeing her reaction to things like cheesecake, a misgiving began to grow in his mind, a sliver at first as he observed those reactions. When he'd been in Zachariah's future, Lucifer had told him he'd always end up 'there'. Dean recalled the Castiel he'd met in that future - bitter, broken, regretting…committed to hedonistic pursuits to plug the aching hole inside him from losing his angelic identity.

If Castiel remained in Risa, that's what she'd become, exactly what Zachariah had proposed. Choosing to stay in Risa was choosing to be with Dean on a deeper, intimate, and wholly human level. It meant Cas would be turning from heavenly duties to pursue earthly things and when the grace pulled out, it'd hurt Castiel - and probably Risa and Jimmy as well.

Maybe things would be good for awhile, but someday, Cas would long for what she'd had. She'd hate doing things the human way. Dean had already experienced Castiel that way, but this time would be worse, because he'd know Cas had fallen from grace for his love. Not for fighting a war and saving humanity. For his _love_. His.

And that love would turn against them both.

Bitter, broken, regretting Castiel would make an appearance and stay until death. She'd do anything to keep the ache of loss inside from growing and that wonder and joy he saw now would then turn to anger and hate.

Dean already knew what would happen to her. He'd seen a fully fallen Castiel before, and while it likely had been Zachariah's imagination, the change to Cas rang true. It _would_ happen. He was going to lose Castiel one way or another. Dean knew it as surely as he knew his own name.

Yet he couldn't find the words or strength to tell her to choose heaven and make her leave. He wanted her; wanted that happiness they had for as long as they could have it. He didn't want to let her go.

* * *

It was supposed to end. Castiel and Dean had agreed that this wasn't a good idea that first time he'd gone to Dean as Risa.

Yet again and again Cas returned in Risa's body. Once, twice, more times. Each encounter deepened the feelings Cas had and with each visit in Risa, she noticed Sam's reproachful, mournful stare. He thought Dean and Cas were making a mistake.

Maybe they were.

"Is it possible for you to have kids?"

Dean's question seemed to come out of nowhere and Castiel paused in getting dressed, considering the question. "No. Like aging, the reproductive system ceases to work properly with an angel present. In women, that means the regular monthly cycle stops altogether, essentially frozen in time, although obviously sexual arousal and desire remain intact. In men, it means that the sperm can't fertilize an egg. Again, sexual desire and arousal remain, except it's more difficult to experience."

He nodded and Castiel saw disappointment in his eyes for a brief second. "Guess that makes sense."

"Vessels, of course, can reproduce when unfilled. Risa can have children and Jimmy did have one." She drew on her shirt. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Just curious."

The line of questioning continued later, as they sat drinking coffee together.

"Is it possible for you to lose your powers again?"

She looked up. These questions he asked betrayed the path of his thoughts of late. "I suppose. While there's no one there in heaven with the ability to close the flow except maybe Raphael, I think it could still happen."

"Under what circumstances?"

"Choosing to become human. It's a choice that rips the grace out - what Anna did from heaven. Being already in a vessel and making that choice? I think it would hurt for both the angel and the vessel, maybe even kill the vessel's soul completely, or at least close off him or her from everything until bodily death. A death sentence either way for the vessel's soul." When she'd fallen before, it hadn't been to be human. It had been to save humanity and aid Dean, a selfless choice. Choosing to become human would be a selfish one and would, in theory, hurt far more immediately.

"Would an angel age then?"

"There would be some bodily decay, yes."

"Would the reproductive system unfreeze?" He asked it with a nonchalant sip of his coffee, as though it was purely an academic question.

Castiel ran her forefinger along the rim of her coffee cup. She'd like to be able to tell Dean that, yes, it would. She'd like to give him the answers he wanted to hear, but she couldn't lie to him. "No. An angel remains one at the very core. The body would age some, but an angel, even one mostly human, can't reproduce. It's simply how it is. We aren't infinite. I've mentioned that before. We're set in number, Dean. Finite. There can be no more of us than God initially commanded into being."

"No little Castiels running around then?"

"No. If I were to fall again and lose my powers, I still wouldn't actually be human. I'd be close to it, a hybrid if you will. Not one or the other, stuck between what I was and what I longed to be. Even Anna, as human as she was, being born into it, wasn't fully human. She'd retained her angelic identity. I very much doubt she would have been able to have children either." She took a sip of coffee. "I think for an angel choosing humanity, in the end, there'd forever be regret and bitterness for the choice, no matter the reason it was initially made, because what we are is such an essential part of us. To remove a piece of it is to be…broken."

Dean shoved his cup away and reached for the check.

That had been a week earlier. Dean had made no more mentions of angels falling to be human or of children.

Castiel sat on Risa's screened porch, shielded from view of her neighbors by the lilac bushes and privacy fence. He rocked the swing with his feet. Risa was sleeping at present, as it was still early, not quite dawn yet. She dreamed of Dean, which made Cas wonder how much she'd experienced with him and didn't realize it, for her dreams were sensual in nature.

When he went to Dean in her, he felt more alive in a good way than he ever had, which led to a conflict now inside of him. He wanted to continue to feel alive in that manner, to let the romantic love for Dean grow even more, yet he also knew that it was becoming increasingly difficult to do his job and be an angel. He couldn't concentrate, wanting to spend more time with Dean instead of performing necessary duties.

Something was going to have to give and soon.

The options Castiel faced were heartbreaking either way. He had to either stay in Risa and abandon heaven willingly or stay in Jimmy and abandon the fullness of that love for Dean. On one hand, Castiel had never wanted to be parted from what he was ever again, as becoming human had hurt on many levels. On the other, that love for Dean felt so very right and perfect. He longed to feel that way forever.

Castiel was tempted to turn away from everything he'd wanted so desperately to get back.

If he left heaven for Dean, would that love take away the pain of that fall?

If he left Dean for heaven, how much would it hurt Dean and what lengths would Cas have to go to to ease that hurt?

There was no easy answer, as both would cause pain, his own and Dean's. He was more concerned about Dean's pain than his own.

Cas ignored the issue as long as possible, but couldn't ignore it when Sam confronted her while Dean was out buying dinner. He'd left Castiel and Sam alone.

"You can't keep doing this, Cas."

"I know."

"_Do _you?" Sam put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Because it doesn't look from here like you do. You're acting like you and Dean have happily ever after on the horizon and we both know that's not going to happen. You're an angel, Castiel. You're not human."

"I'm aware of that, Sam."

"No, I don't think you are. I think you've gotten carried away playing house with Dean."

Sam spoke truth. She _had_ gotten carried away, enjoying the feelings and enjoying seeing Dean peaceful and happy. It was the first time she'd seen him in both. "Perhaps."

"You're the only one who can stop it. Dean's not going to. He's just as carried away as you are. I'm asking you as a friend, Castiel, if you love Dean in any way at all, friend, lover, _whatever_…. End this now before you both end up hurt." He shrugged. "If you don't, if you let this go on, he won't recover when you have to leave. You know you're going to leave. This back and forth can't go on forever."

"I know."

"You know damn well you're going to choose heaven. You'll choose heaven and Jimmy because it's the choice you have to choose, for yourself, for Dean, and for Risa, and Jimmy. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be."

She hugged herself.

"You'll leave, Cas, and _you_ will be the one to break him. Not the other angels, not the hunting life, not the next tragedy that happens to me or someone else human that he cares about. _You, _the one who saved him from hell. _You_ will break him so completely he can't come back from it ever."

She closed her eyes, squeezed them shut, and felt tears begin to fall. "I don't want to choose, Sam."

"Then you be kind and kill him when you _do_ leave." He was quiet a minute. "Or are you willing to walk away from all that you got back; fall and become human all over again for Dean's love? Is that what you want, Castiel? To stay in that woman's body and leave heaven to be with Dean? If that's the case, I'll shut up right now. I'll never say another word about it and I'll full support whatever arrangement you two want."

Castiel wiped at the tears and opened her eyes. "I don't want to be human again. I can't feel these things every day, Sam. They're too intense. It's why I'm only her a couple days at a time. It's too overwhelming."

"You can't have it both ways. You can't have that life with Dean and be an angel, too. You know that. Believe me, I've been there, remember? Only I went for a demon."

It couldn't go on. Cas grieved for that and knew what she had to do. Deep down, she wasn't strong enough to let herself become human again. As strong as she was otherwise, she couldn't do it, even for Dean.

She treasured another few days with him and knew it was time. The decision had to be made now or she'd never make it. If she waited, she'd only let matters go until it was too late for any of them to recover.

"Dean, I've been considering Jimmy and Risa both." She felt Dean grow still against her and hurried on before he could say anything. "Jimmy's too well-known as my vessel. I can't abandon him. Nor can I continue to take Risa from her life."

Dean was quiet a long moment, then nodded, head down. "I know."

"I've been thinking on the matter quite a bit."

"You're not the only one."

"What do you wish me to do?"

He raised his head. Tears glinted in his eyes that held so much human emotion, some contradictory Cas thought, all swirling together. Love, anger, fear. But most of all love, displayed openly, a naked vulnerability. She and Sam weren't the only ones who'd known this day was coming. She saw that all there in Dean's eyes. He'd known and he'd waited, hoping and praying it wouldn't actually come and already, it was breaking him down and reopening that terrible empty hole inside him. She could see that hole ripping open right before her. "Fix it. Somehow. I don't care how. Just…" he sucked in a shaking breath, " don't let the emptiness come back. I can't go there again." He was afraid of that, of falling back down into that despair.

The words were like a knife slashing at her and sliding deep. Dean's pain hurt to see. She squeezed her hands into fists. "I never intended to cause you pain."

"Well I never intended to fall for you in a chick's body, so we're even."

"Fall for?"

He paused, then looked away. "Love, Cas. It means love. I…I love you."

She watched him a moment, then made a decision for Dean's own good, stretching out her hand and altering his memories. She removed herself, yet left Risa, taking great care to keep the details as true to what had occurred as possible.

Taking away the pain he felt. Fixing it. Making it better for him at her own expense.

In Dean's mind now, it was Risa he'd been seeing off and on for the past few months, not Castiel. As far as Dean was concerned, Castiel kept doing a vanishing act, which was perfectly normal behavior.

When the alterations were completed, Cas made him sleep and laid him back. She caressed his face, reliving the past months in seconds, then leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I love you too, Dean. Goodbye."

She left him there, sleeping peacefully, and went to find Sam, altering his memories next.

"I didn't want to wake Dean," she told him when the task was completed. "Would you tell him I had to go, but that I'll speak with him soon?"

"Yeah, sure, Risa. You heading home?"

"Yes." In a manner of speaking. If Jimmy's body could be considered home. Castiel supposed it could be. Jimmy would be a refuge from what Cas had had to do.

"Have a safe drive."

"Thank you."

She returned to Risa's and to Jimmy. He was lounging in one chair in the living room, watching tv and eating, looking up when Cas appeared.

"You're back. I wasn't expecting you for another couple days."

"There's been a change of plans."

He put his plate aside. "Something happen between you and Dean?"

"You warned me it wouldn't be the same."

"I did."

"How did you know?"

Emotion overwhelmed her fully and she pushed Jimmy into sleep in order to be alone in her sorrow.

* * *

When Jimmy woke, he heard crying. At first, he thought it was Risa by herself, that Castiel had left them without making the switch. A closer look revealed that it was Castiel curled up against the arm of the couch sobbing. The sight was so very wrong to behold that he was silent a moment before asking in a gentle, quiet voice, "Castiel?"

She looked up. She'd been crying for a long time already. Her face was blotchy, eyes swollen, and her sobs had a congested quality to them. These weren't plain tears she shed, but rather tears of grief - grief for something essential now gone. The pain in her eyes was deep.

How long had she made him sleep?

Getting up, he went to her and sat beside her, drawing her to him and pressing her face to his chest. To his surprise, she leaned against him. He held her like he had Claire when she was small, patting her back and stroking her hair, rocking her just a little.

Finally, the tears stalled and she drew back. "I don't want to let him go," she whispered.

"Then don't. Screw it all. Go back -"

"It's too late." She shook her head, wiping her cheeks with her hands. "It's already done."

"What do you mean it's too late?"

"I already altered his memories."

"Change them back."

"It's too late, I…. I don't want to feel like this, Jimmy!" She gulped in a breath. "I love him and it hurts! I didn't know love can hurt like this!"

He nodded. "I know, I know. It's not the love that hurts, it's the sacrifice."

"Sacrifice?"

"It's painful to leave the ones you love for their own good, or because circumstances demand it. I've been there."

She stared at him, understanding growing on her face. "This is what you felt when…."

"Yeah. When I begged you to take me so Claire wouldn't have to remain your vessel. I feel it again now because I know that my reunions with them are over."

"I did that to you. I took you away from them -" Her mouth trembled. "I'm sorry, Jimmy."

"You're not going to go back to Risa again. It's a fact. That's not going to happen. It's too painful remembering what you had and set aside. In fact, you're going to do your best to forget you ever realized she's a vessel."

"Why aren't you crying? You're human, with human emotion, and if it tears you apart…."

"I've accepted the way things have to be, Castiel. I accepted it a long time ago. Amelia is my wife and always will be whether I'm with her or not, and I'll love her just the same."

"She knows you love her?"

"Yes. She knows I love her."

She clutched his shirt. "Dean doesn't know I love him. Not anymore. I took that from him with a touch, replaced myself with Risa. He no longer knows."

"Dean knows you love him. You wouldn't have done all you did those months ago if you didn't. Maybe it's not the romantic side of love he's aware that you have, but trust me, he knows you have love for him."

She pulled away.

"Things can't be the way you want. You can't have both worlds." Reaching out, he grasped her hand and raised it to his cheek, keeping his own hand on top of it. "It's over now," he continued in the gentlest, yet firmest tone possible. "It's time for you to leave Risa and come back to me. You know that. Come back. You lessen my pain and I'll lessen yours." It was what would happen when Castiel came back to him. The heat and light would sear time and consciousness from Jimmy for ninety-nine percent of the time and, if he understood correctly, his body would help dampen those emotions Castiel felt. Cas would be numb, though not as numb as in his natural form. He would be numb and eventually, the numbness would take the sting from love set aside.

Castiel swallowed hard. "Very well, Jimmy. We'll lessen each other's pain." Beneath his hand, he felt her thumb move, sweeping across his cheekbone. "Thank you."

It was the first time he could recall Castiel saying those words to him. He nodded. "You're welcome, Castiel."

Heat flared up and Jimmy was covered over by Castiel's presence.

* * *

Castiel returned to Jimmy and uttered a sigh of relief as emotional pain sloughed away, leaving a dark shadow of it's former self. It was there still. He felt it, but it was bearable now. He could function. Castiel cleaned up the house and erased all signs of Jimmy's presence, then turned to Risa. She was sitting on her couch where he'd sat, watching him.

"We were crying. Why? What happened?"

He crouched down in front of her. "It was a personal matter."

"Are you alright?"

The final task was to alter Risa's memories as well. Castiel did that without answering her question.

There were no angels for her. No Zachariah or Castiel. No knowledge of being a vessel or even what a vessel was. There was only Dean Winchester, a man she'd met at a restaurant and begun seeing. Castiel gave her all of the personal information she would have discovered about Dean, then made sure she had Dean's number and a strong suggestion to call him later and apologize for having to leave early.

Risa would call him and maybe _she_ could be the one to make him happy. A wholly human woman, not an angel in a borrowed body that could never really grow old with him and never give him the family he wanted.

As the days slid into weeks, he watched Dean with Risa. They looked happy when they met up. She had no qualms about driving or flying wherever Sam and Dean were just to see Dean. She claimed it was an adventure. They looked good together.

"You okay, Cas? You look a little…down."

He glanced at Sam, then returned his attention to the two across the room with a shake of his head. "No, I'm not okay. But I'll endure."

He'd given them the potential for happiness together. It was up to Dean and Risa to pursue it and make it happen. Would Dean accept Risa in Castiel's stead? Time would tell.

Castiel's own happiness was irrelevant. He was an angel. Angels weren't supposed to be happy, sad, or anything else. Angels were warriors and soldiers. They weren't human and couldn't be human.

Unfortunately, he couldn't alter his own memories. If only Gabriel were here to do it for him. As he'd told Sam, he'd endure.

Castiel sighed, ignoring Sam's curious stare. Sam had been right. Things did change, whether people, or angels, meant them to or not. Dean would never know just how much things had changed between them. Love, that full definition with all kinds combined - brotherly, romantic, spiritual - changed the way Castiel saw him and felt about him.

Because Castiel _did_ love Dean….

Cas let him go.


End file.
